45 Hilarious Out of Office Replies

1. I am on vacation from mm/dd/yyyy to mm/dd/yyyy. I will allow each sender one email. If you send me multiple emails, I will randomly delete your emails until it is pared down to one. Choose wisely. Please note that you already sent me one email.

3. I will be out of the office and returning next week. I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you, it will not be used for work purposes.

4. I'm out of the office and returning tomorrow, at which time I will promptly delete all of your emails.

5. Hey there, could you give me a call instead? I'd rather deal with this over the phone. If I don't answer, just keep trying. I've been having issues with my phone. 

6. I am currently out of the office. I have a cell phone, but I will not be giving it to you. If you can guess the number, I will take your call.

9. I will be away from work for one week while training. When I return, don't expect any improvement.

10. I am currently in the office but swamped with work. This work was probably due to something you already requested. If you are sending me another request, go ahead and recall your email now.

11. I am out of the office at the moment. Unfortunately, I'm returning tomorrow.

12. I am currently interviewing for a new job. Upon my return, I hope to give my two weeks’ notice and never respond to your email.

13. I am away at lunch. You should consider trying it. P.S. - This is not an invitation.

16. I am currently out of the office and probably out-of-my-mind drunk.  Enjoy your work week.

17. I am currently in the bathroom dropping a deuce. If this is an urgent matter, it only takes me about 2-3 minutes to take a dump, wipe my butt, properly wash my hands of fecal matter, and return to my desk.  Feel free to stop by my desk later and give me a high five!

18. (For men only) I am currently out of the office on maternity leave.

19. I am in the office but completely incapacitated by the monstrous Chinese buffet lunch I ate earlier today.  It would be best if your questions waited until tomorrow.  Thanks.

20. I am away from the office at this moment.  I will still be away from the office at the next moment and returning at a later moment.  If you have any issues at the current moment, and they cannot wait until a later moment, please contact my manager, who may actually be away at the moment. Moment. Moment.

21. I'm away from my desk right now.  I still have my cubicle, but someone took my desk.  I went looking for it.  I'll respond to you when my desk gets back to my cubicle.

26. I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.

27. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

29. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on (date). Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

30. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

31. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’ (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

32. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

36. I will be out of the office until… hell freezes over.

39. Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

40. I am no longer working for the company. My last day was MM/DD/YYYY. The date is only provided for you to witness how long it takes IT to shut down my email address.

41. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

43. I recently quit this job because of emails from people like you. I hope you are happy.

 

Read more

Email: PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU EAT SHRIMPS - Very INFORMATIVE:

A woman suddenly died unexpectedly with signs of bleeding from her ears, nose, mouth & eyes.

After a preliminary autopsy it was DIAGNOSED that death was due to ARSENIC poisoning.
Where did the arsenic come from?

The police launched an in-depth and extensive investigation. A medical school professor was invited to come to solve the case.
The professor carefully looked at the contents. In less than half an hour, the mystery was solved.
The professor said: 'The deceased did not commit suicide and neither was she murdered, she died of accidental death due to ignorance!'
Everyone was puzzled, why accidental death?

The professor said: 'The arsenic was produced in the stomach of the deceased.' The deceased used to take 'Vitamin C' everyday, which in itself is not a problem.
The problem was that she ate a large portion of shrimp/prawn during dinner. Eating shrimp/prawn is not the problem that's why nothing happened to her family even though they had the same shrimp/prawn. However at the same time the deceased also took 'vitamin C', that is where the problem was!

Researchers at the University of Chicago in the United States , found through experiments, FOOD such as SOFT-SHELL contain much HIGHER concentration of FIVE POTASSIUM arsenic compounds.

Such fresh food by itself has no toxic effects on the human body.

However, in TAKING 'vitamin C', chemical reaction occurs and the original non-toxic elements change to toxic elements.

Arsenic poisoning has magma role and can cause paralysis to the small blood vessels. Therefore, a person who dies of arsenic poisoning will show signs of bleeding from the ears, nose, mouth & eyes. Thus as a precautionary measure,

DO NOT eat shrimp/prawn when taking 'vitamin C'.

After reading this; please do not be stingy. Re-share to your friends.

17 Types of Boyfriends

1. JAMES BOND - mga klaseng boyfriend the chickboy, talagang mahilig sa babae. Ito yung klaseng boyfriend na parating nagbibigay ng sakit ng ulo sa kanilang mga girlfriend. Madalas lumuwa ang mga mata niyan pag may sexing babaeng nakikita.

2. PASTOR ELY - mga boyfriend na hindi makabasag ng pinggan, kadalasang mababait at parang pastor na nangangaral sa mga tao. Madalas niyang pangaralan ang kanyang girlfriend tungkol sa mabubuting salita ng Panginoon. Very endangered ang mga Pastor Ely, kaunting-kaunti lang sila pero magaling humawak ng relasyon.

3. COMMANDER ROBOT - mga boyfriend na seloso, over protective, at paladikta sa kanyang girlfriend. Yung tipong ayaw niyang padapuin yung kanyang GF sa ibang tao. Palagi siyang nakabuntot at binabantayan ang bawat kilos ng kanyang GF. Madalas nasisira agad ang isang relasyon kapag ang lalaki ay Commander Robot.

4. BED-KING - mga boyfriend na kaya lamang gustong magka-girlfriend ay upang gawing pampalipas-oras. Mga boyfriend na masyadong ma-L. Palaging gustong matulog kasama ang kanyang GF. Sexually adventurous si bed-king at hindi ideal ng mga Maria-Clara style na babae.

5. CRISOSTOMO IBARRA - mga boyfriend na masyadong matatalino. Palaging pinaglalaban ang kanyang mga karapatan. Minsan ginagamit ang katalinuhan upang mang-akit ng girls. Palaban, madalas isinisingit ang kayang rights as BF. Kadalasan ito ang mga boyfriend na walang gaanong looks pero dinadaan sa utak ang pagsuyo sa babae. Masyado ring mapalabok ang kanyang sinasabi - yung tipong matalinhaga at para kang magkaka-nose bleed pang kinausap mo.

6. COCO-LOCO - mga lalaking kinababaliwan dahil gwapo, may looks, kaya nga loco. Yun nga lang medyo matu-turn-off ka dahil kung ano ang guwapo niya siya namang kawalan ng utak. Mga BF na sumusunod lang sa agos, walang alam sa buhay. Walang talino in short. Coco dahil parang empty coconut shell ang utak. Madalas ang GF ang sumasalo ng lahat ng problema kapag may problemang dumating sa kanilang relasyon.

7. UTO-UTO - from the word itself. Ito yung mga BF na madaling lokohin, bigay-kaya kahit na alam na niyang niloloko siya. Madalas mahiyain ang mga Uto-uto. Hindi makahindi sa mga girls. Kapag ikaw ang GF niya, madalas ka ring magka-migraine dahil kahit na pangaralan mo e tuloy-tuloy pa rin sa pagpapaloko.

8. MR. EASY-GO-LUCKY - mga BF na kaya lamang nabuhay sa mundo e para mag-bunjee jumping at kumain. Mga walang alam sa buhay, tamad, at sumusunod sa agos. May talino ang mga ito, unlike sa mga coco-loco, ngunit hindi ginagamit ng husto. Mabisyo rin ang ganitong type ng BF. Laging may hithit na sigarilyo, laging nasa inuman, laging nasa lakwatsahan. Kung ikaw ang GF, iniexpect niya lagi kang sasama sa kanyang mga gimmicks. Palatandaan ng mga ganitong BF: palaging kasama ang kanyang mga ka-tropa.

9. ECONOMISTA - mga BF na nakakaimbiyerna hindi dahil pangit ang ugali niya, kundi masyadong BARAT, KURIPOT, at WAIS. Ito yung tipo ng BF na kapag kakain kayo sa labas e sa karinderya ka ibabagsak, o sa tindahan ng kwek-kwek. Less romantic ang mga ganitong BF dahil kapag mag-de-date kayo e laging KKB as in KANYA-KANYANG BAYAD. Masinop sa pera, madalas siyang magbigay ng mga regalo na mabibili lang sa Divisoria, buy-one-take-one pa! Ito yung tipong BF na mas mahalaga pa ang pera kaysa sa kanyang GF.

10. ROADRUNNER - mga BF na bigay-kaya ngunit wais. Mabilis pagdating sa persistence. Ito yung BF na mabilis pa sa alas-kuwatro pag susunduin niya ang GF sa school man o sa trabaho. Bigay-kaya in a sense na madalas siyang may regalo sa kanyang GF, yung tipong nakatatak na sa utak niya kung kailan ang birthday mo, monthsary ninyo, birthday ng nanay mo, tatay mo, blah-blah. Pero may limitasyon din itong si Road runner dahil pag nag-break kayo, sisingilin niyang lahat ang mga naibigay niya sa iyo.

11. SALAWAHAN - very very very basic. Mga BF na mahilig sa girls, kung magka-girlfriend e dalawa. Minsan 3. Minsan 4. Mga traydor, palihim na sumisimple sa GF at naghahanap ng panibagong GF. Madalas pinagsasabay ng mga ganitong BF ang dalawa o higit pang relasyon. Madalas itong magbigay ng sakit ng ulo sa GF lalo na kung selosa ang una. Katulad siya ni James Bond, in short, pero ang Salawahan talagang lantaran sa panloloko sa kanyang GF. Ang mga James Bond naman, on the other hand, ay madalas ligaw-tingin lang sa makikita niyang sexy girls. Pero ang Salawahan, gagawin niya ang lahat para lamang mapasakanya ang mga babaeng nais niya.

12. MR. DREAMBOY - mga BF na masyadong sweet, caring, maalalahanin, thoughtful at parang tutang sunud-sunuran sa GF. Ito yung mga BF na under-de-saya. Sinasamba ang kanyang GF, in short. Ito yung mga BF na madalas tanungin ang kanyang GF kung kumain na ito, kung naiinitan ito, kung nalulungkot ito blah-blah. Pero kung ako ang GF, medyo maaasiwa ako sa mga Mr. Dreamboy dahil para itong tutang susunod-sunod sa iyo. Kulang na lang dilaan ang pwet mo kung tatantiyahin mo kung paano ka niya sambahin. Perfect na sana si Mr. Dreamboy, yun nga lang medyo nakakaasiwa.

13. RICHIE-RICH - ito yung mga BF na hambog, mayabang kasi nga mayaman-rich! Madalas maporma at laging new-wave. Kapag susunduin ang GF laging naka-wheels. Minsan Inglisero, minsan Pilipinong-Pilipino, minsan alien. Elite, maituturing siyang kabilang sa conyo sector. Yun nga lang maiimbiyerna ng kaunti ang GF dahil masyadong paistariray ang mga Richie-rich, gusto palaging bida. Kung mahal talaga ito ng GF, maaasar siya ng kaunti. Kung pera lang ang habol ng GF, wala lang sa kanya.

14. MR. NICE GUY - mga BF na masyadong matindi ang sense of humor. Mga one-liner at joker kaya madalas sumakit ang tiyan ng GF dahil sa katatawa. Parang Easy-go-lucky, medyo nakikiagos lang sa sitwasyon. Minsan papansin din si Mr. Nice Guy pero hindi ka nga maaasar sa halip matatawa ka lang sa kanya.

15. PAPA BORI - opposite ng Mr. Nice guy. Mga BF na BULOK ang sense of humor. Madalas tahimik, borrrriiiiiing, at corny. Heto yung tipong BF na parang may sariling mundo, minsan parang may dinadaluhang lamay gabi-gabi kung tatantsahin mo ang kanyang pagiging boring. Masyado ring problematic si Papa Bori at mahirap pakisamahan. Madalas na rin siyang nabasted dahil sa kanyang ugali.

16. PAPA BORITO - parang Papa Bori, salat sa sense of humor, tahimik, boring, corny pero hindi problematic. Para lang siyang may sariling mundo. Pero madali siyang pakisamahan. Mahiyain, medyo madaling bolahin itong si Papa Borito kaysa kay Papa Bori na parang laging galit sa mundo. Madaling pakisamahan ang Papa Borito at kung ikaw ang GF, medyo pagtiisan mo ang pagiging tahimik niya.

17. MR. RIGHT GUY - mga BF na guwapo, mabait, perpekto. Wala ka nang hahanapin pa. Isa nga lang ang problema… HINDI PA SIYA PINAPANGANAK!

Get Fit and Flirt with your Fave Athletes

I can still remember my dream last week and if this happens in real life, I dunno what I'm gonna do. HAHAHA! [I wrote what I remembered from my dream]

*I dunno if I've been thinking about the Azkals and Oping lately or this was just an effect of the pressure of losing weight.*

 
I was on the treadmill when the receptionist of Fitness First RSC announced that they have a program for the months of November and December that you get to work out with an athlete.  It's either the athlete will choose their partner or you will choose the athlete who'll train you.  I didn't bother joining that program, I'm used to working out alone.  Suddenly, "HOY ATE ICKAY!", then I looked at the guy, and I was suprised to see Jinggoy Valmayor grinning at me so I shouted "OMG GERARDO! Wait what the f are you doing here? Don't tell me you're one of those athletes?" Then he answered "YES and I think I found a partner na. Stop the treadmill, ikaw partner ko"

Went down the machine then followed Jinggoy (Gerardo), and I was surprised to see people I know like the junior twin towers Jic Fortuna & Tata Bautista, Hyram Bagatsing, Japs Cuan.  I also saw Marielle Benitez, Heather Cooke & Rara Luna with Denise Tan working out with the other gym members. 

I was having fun working out with Gerardo when suddenly another hot guy, Yannick Tuason approached us. I was saying "WHAT THE FCK, IT IS MY LUCKY DAY" in my mind.

Yannick & Gerardo were chatting while I was doing 100 crunches and I heard "dude, can we share?" "you'll get nice abs in just 3 days, with the help of Yannick" then after doing crunches they told me to do 100 situps and exercises using dumbbells.  I was having the time of my life with these two hotshots training me, helping me lose weight.  Then I felt that someone was staring at me, and that someone was Oping Sumalinog. 

THEN I WOKE UP... -_-


Oh how I wish I can work out with Yan & Goy with Oping Sumalinog staring at me like a jealous boyfriend. :P

2011 Southeast Asian Games – Football (Complete Schedule)

Hey guys, here's the complete schedule for Football for the SEAG

Support our U-23 Azkals team!

2011 Southeast Asian Games – Football (Complete Schedule)
Group A: Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia

*November 9, 2011*
Singapore vs Malaysia (16:00)
Indonesia vs Cambodia (19:00)

*November 11, 2011*
Malaysia vs Thailand (16:00)
Cambodia vs Singapore (19:00)

*November 13, 2011*
Thailand vs Cambodia (16:00)
Singapore vs Indonesia (19:00)

*November 15, 2011*
Malaysia vs Cambodia (16:00)
Indonesia vs Thailand (19:00)

*November 17, 2011*
Thailand vs Singapore (16:00)
Indonesia vs Malaysia (19:00)

Group B: Philippines, Vietnam, Laos, Brunei, Timor Leste, Myanmar

*November 3, 2011*
PHILIPPINES VS VIETNAM (16:00)
Laos vs Myanmar (19:00)

*November 5, 2011*
Brunei vs Timor Leste (16:00)
Myanmar vs Vietnam (19:00)

*November 7, 2011*
TIMOR LESTE VS PHILIPPINES (16:00)
Laos vs Brunei (19:00)

*November 9, 2011*
Myanmar vs Brunei (16:00)
Vietnam vs Timor Leste (19:00)

*November 11, 2011*
PHILIPPINES VS LAOS (16:00)
Brunei vs Vietnam (19:00)

*November 13, 2011*
PHILIPPINES VS MYANMAR (16:00)
Timor Leste vs Laos (19:00)

*November 15, 2011*
Myanmar vs Timor Leste (16:00)
PHILIPPINES VS BRUNEI (19:00)

*November 17, 2011*
Laos vs Vietnam (16:00)

All matches will be aired live on Studio 23.

iPhone or BB

"Kids today compared to our generation are spoiled brats.  They think buying iPhone or BB is more important than getting higher grades"

Super Ababou

After the UST Growling Tigers made the UAAP playoffs in 2009, the team’s coach Pido Jarencio explained to the media how his unheralded squad made it to the final four.
“We have Super Ababou.”

“Sobrang hirap yun, kasi dati [sa UST], magkanda-puli-pulikat na ‘ko, hindi pa rin ako linalabas,” he said. “Tapos ngayon, pinupulikat na yung puwet ko sa bench.” - Si BOY CRAMPS siya nun. :))

“I always give my 110 percent,” he said. “Nagpapakamatay talaga ako sa court.” - buwis buhay talaga o!

Read the whole article HERE.

National Suicide Prevention Week

The girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. 

The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. 

The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. 

Laugh at the man with the ugly scars? He fought for our country. 

That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. 

Put this on your status, share this, if you are against bullying. 

--- Save a life. National Suicide Prevention Week

My 26 wishes for my 26th Birthday :)

Yes I'm turning 26 on September 10, 2011 and I'm still doing this, kinda childish huh? Haha

 So here are my 26 wishes

1 The UST Growling Tigers will win the game on September 3, 2011

2  and the game on September 8, 2011

3 and their game on September 11, 2011

4   Now that we're in the Final Four, I don't want a "replay" of Season 69, I want Season 74 to be a
     special year for the Thomasian Athletes. 

5   King Tiger will participate in many events this September.

6  King Tiger will be an established brand in UST

7   King Tiger will be invited to join bazaars during college week and UST events.

8   Photo with JARELAN "ODA" TAMPUS :)

9   Photo with ANTON ALTAMIRANO

10  Birthday greetings from Yannick Tuason, Anton Del Rosario, Aly Borromeo, Misagh Bahadoran,

11  or a signed soccer ball or  jersey (preferrably from Yannick Tuason or Anton del Rosario)

12 I'd win the lottery on or before my birthday...

13  have our house renovated...

14  and I can buy condo units for me and my parents...

15  buy my own car...

16 AND be my own boss and never have to worry about bitchy superiors.

17 To have a less stressful life

18  Caribbean Cruise with my family

19  1 week ALL EXPENSE PAID vacation in Cebu - Bohol

20  1 week ALL EXPENSE PAID vacation in GenSan - CDO - Davao

21  1 MONTH ALL EXPENSE PAID vacation in Europe

22  Wacky Photo with JAREN JARENCIO

23  Photo & Birthday date with OPING SUMALINOG :)

24  Blackberry Curve (pink) or Torch

25  Another date after my birthday with OPING SUMALINOG

26  To be HAPPY :)

My friends' 40 days abstinence promise

Dale: For 40 days, I won't watch porn.

Chia: For 40 days, I won't look at my FHM and Playboy magazines.

Gab: For 40 days, I'll be nice to Greeca.

Me: KAYA MO?? WEH!

Gab: Oo, starting today.

D,C,G: Hey for 40 days, you shouldn’t think of your boys.

Me: BOYS? WHAT BOYS?

 

 

 

DLSU U-Week My Lasallian Experience:

As a Thomasian surrounded by so many Lasallian friends, it's really no big deal going to La Salle anytime.  But that day was really different cause my long time friends, the boys, weren't there with me.  They really didn't care about the events in DLSU after they graduated but they get annoyed everytime I get invited. LABO. Hahaha.

Last February 18, 2011, Andrew (friend from FEU) and I were invited by my friend Jazz Pangilinan to go to DLSU's U-Week.  So I took half of the day off so I can visit their booth and experience the "Haunted Hall". 

It was my first time to spend hours inside DLSU & seeing a lot of good looking people.  We helped Jazz, Kenneth & Mark entertain the customers and we really had a lot of fun.  

Ryan, Luigi and Margo just some of their models.

Students checking out the shirts

Kenneth & Mark taking their orders, while Jazz is entertaining other students/alumni.

Some of their designs

Jazz wearing one of their designs.

I also spent time with my busy fashionista friend Ana Gonzales who also has her booth (Anagon X-Vern). 

New item in Anagon's Collection.  Personalized rings, P150 each.

I also saw our travel contact, Erickson and our dear tourist guide in Puerto Galera, Luningning.  

Later in the afternoon, Andrew & I decided to go to the Haunted Hall. AND Wow, the line was really long and we had to wait.

They said it was gonna start at 6:30 but well, we were able to enter the hall at 8pm...I think.  But it was worth the wait, I had so much fun screaming. :))  We went back to the booth and stayed them til 9pm, then we went home.  Didn't finish the concert cause I had to be at home and well babysit my nephew/lil bro.

Ana, Me, Andrew & Jazz at the GreenFusion booth.

Wearing the UST dogtag :)

 

UST and FEU dogtags now available. P180 each, same design at the back.

DLSU dogtags still available!

For orders, text 09154565673 (UST - Ickay), 09158851553 (FEU - Andrew) or 09064749717 (DLSU - Jazz).

 

"You can lose your form but not your touch" - Shevy Singh on Wayne Rooney (via @cedelfpt) TRUE! ϋ

 

ANGRY BIRDS! :)) Isn't there another version with lower screen resolutions for PCs? :(

 

UST & FEU Dogtags

These UST & FEU dogtags are now available
Dual-sided (same design at the back)

For only P180

To order: text  09064749717




***in partnership with Green Fusion - La Salle Shirts and Unitee - UAAP Shirts

 Still available:  

• I Love (Star) DLSU Dog Tags 
• UAAP Shirts & Personalized Jersey bags

Also check out Green Fusion's Product Catalogue for more products & info.

My Monday

Monday, January 17, 2011…

 

Shouldn’t it be a HELL day? For me, NO?  Today:

·         I just got 2 phone calls from the staff informing me where they are. 

·         Follow up on the applicants to be interviewed, HR rescheduled on Wednesday.

·         Changed the staff forecast

·         Got a call from the client who wants to speak with the manager.

·         I was able to deposit my investment for DLSU’s GreenFusion.

·         I played Chess, Tumblebug, opened my 2 facebook accounts, my tumblr account and I’ve been tweeting the whole day.

·         I haven’t played Plants vs. Zombies today, I’m not in the mood to battle the zombies. Hahaha

 

 

INSULTED

Insulted. 

That is how I feel right now.   

Well maybe it's also my fault.  I was too engrossed watching basketball games, blabbing about ballers and hanging out with them.  Well I don't regret that, cause most of them are really good friends, actually like brothers.  

Our beloved RP Azkals are now popular after their great stint in the AFF Suzuki Cup & football is now making its way back to popularity.  As a football fan & player, it's normal that I'm so happy & excited with what is happening.  Because of that, I get snide remarks from friends like "pag dating ng July, makakalimutan mo rin ang football at azkals", "nag shift ka na pala sa football", "weh football player ka, di nga".  

Annoying and really INSULTING.

I just want you to know, 

Football is, and will always be my first love.  

I was a football player back in grade school, and I'm still playing 'friendly' football games with my guy friends.  I'm sure most of you would ask for a picture of me playing football, sorry, there's none.  I don't need to prove anything to you. 

I may not be one of the greatest football players, but my love for the game will show you how the sport means to me.  You know nothing.  You don't notice how my face lights up when I hear the magic words "Goal", "Penalty Kick", "Kick Off".  You weren't there when I argued with my mom because she was against with the idea of me playing.  It is a very expensive game, that's why she disapproved before, but she understands now.  

It is my life. It inspires me to be a better person. It defines who I really am.

As for basketball, those ballers would always have that special place in my heart but they'd have to understand they're not on top of my list.  It'll always be football (and the booters).

************************************************************************
**I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends (who don't "speak football"), for believing, understanding & supporting me. Love you guys**